Destiny

*compassionately jumps up onto the bed and cuddles himself next to jon*

::cuddles Porthos::

::murmurs softly to him::

I'm glad you're out here with us.

::continues absently petting Porthos as thoughts continue to churn::

::sleepless::

...
...

::again::

*slowly falls asleep*

*dreams about running along with jon at a white beach when things were still different*

And if I may say so, sir, you are doing a good job of it so far.

::a little stunned, touched by the unexpected feedback::

::smiles a little::

: meets Malcolm's eyes::

Umm... thank you, Lieu... Malcolm. Your support...means a lot to me.

...

::thinks about whether to say it. wants to say it::

You know, Malcolm...we're off-duty. You could call me Jon.

::lets the moment pass::

Just...thank you.

*fights the urge to look down and away as Archer meets his eyes and studies him*

*stares thoughtfully as Archer seems to mull over carefully his reply*

Does my support really surprise you so? No matter my complaints, have I not always supported your final decisions?

*nods slowly* You're welcome, sir.

::notices that Malcolm seems uncomfortable::

::wonders why::

Doesn't he know that what his support means to me? That knowing it's not blindly given makes me value it all the more?


"You're welcome, sir."


::winces inwardly at hearing 'sir' again, trying hard not to let it show in face or eyes::

::rethinks earlier decision not to push::

::needs to say this once... or maybe again::


Malcolm...


::pauses, tries to sound as casual as can::

We're both off-duty, you know. You could call me Jon... ::


::laughs, trying to keep lighten mood ::


...or Jonathan... if that feels more comfortable.


::had planned to leave it at that, but what the hell::


We're both officers...I've trusted you with my ship... with my life.

::more softly::

Malcolm, you've saved my ass or my life more than a few times already. Is it still so uncomfortable to see me as a friend someone you could be less formal with?

::realizes he might be asking too much, drops eyes::

::unconsciously needing to connect on some level, stretches hand to clasp Malcolm's shoulder briefly::

::smiles a little::

Never mind... it's okay. Either way, I still appreciate your vote of confidence.

::Drops hand to own side::

:: Turns to go::

*frowns as he notices Archer wince at his reply, confused for a moment*

*then blinks at the sudden request for him to use Archer's first name*

*swallows nervously as Archer's voice softens and Archer claps his shoulder*

*works to suppress the sense of loss running through him as the hand is removed and Archer turns to leave*

Oh, if only I could allow myself the leisure of pretending you are simply Jonathan... Jon. Do you know how hard a thing you ask of me?

*mouth hangs open for a moment, struggling to find words he can actually speak aloud*

*somehow desperate for Archer not to simply go*

*finally speaks up*

If... if that's what you'd like sir, then I shall try my best to... accommodate your wishes... while off duty.

*sighs softly, finally looking down at his feet in embarrassment*

What you ask is not so easy for me to do. Rank, place, command, respect... they are hard to forget. Reed tradition I suppose. I have never called even my father by his given name. Completely inappropriate in his book.

*blushes slightly as he feels he's rambling and sputtering on about nonsense*

Anyway, sir *glances up again* I will try. *plays with the word on his tongue for a moment before finally adding* Jonathan.

::watches a series of expressions play across Malcolm's face::

do I cause him that much discomfort... that much anxiety... in just trying to convey appreciation... just trying to express friendship...just let him know I'm interested in getting to know him better

::feels no drawing away from the impulsive shoulder clasp::

::hears series of comments::

If... what you'd like... try my best to... accommodate your wishes... while off duty. ... Reed tradition...

::starts to respond, then hears::

I will try... Jonathan.

::smiles, can't help it::


Malcolm...

::stands very still, waits for Malcolm to look up, catches and holds his gaze::

careful, Jon

Thank you.., I know how strange that felt for you. If it's any consolation, I never called my father anything but 'dad'. The idea of calling him by his first name never occurred to me, and I know he never expected it.

But our relationship is different, Malcolm. It's more complicated because it has more levels. I think Captain Archer and his Armory Officer communicate pretty well with each other. I've certainly no complaints on that score.

::smiles again, laughing a little::

But off-duty... Jonathan and Malcolm are having a harder time of it. The last thing I ever want is to make you uncomfortable. I'd just like to try to build a friendship here, and ... that was feeling kind of hard to do when the titles kept getting in the way.

::looks away. takes deep breath. returns gaze to meet Malcolm's eyes::

So, thank you. Let's give it a try. Maybe it will get easier with time.

:: repeats shoulder clasp...a little longer this time...reassurance for both of them, perhaps::

Maybe we can talk some more over lunch sometime soon? I'll check my schedule and get back to you, okay?

::slowly drops hand from Malcolm's shoulder, reluctant to lose this moment::

I haven't introduced myself yet. Honor Harrington, Admiral, Royal Manticoran Navy.

I've always been certain that commanding a starship is what I was born to do. But I didn't really ask for the rest of this.

Nevertheless, it has to be done, so here I am.

The second-worst moment of my life was when they took my ship away. I didn't care, in that period of my life, about the pain to me, but I am, and will be, my people's best chance in a crisis, and knowing that meant I knew the price wouldn't be paid by me. Thankfully, politics changed enough to get me back in the seat, and despite these last few years on a little planet known as Hell, I wouldn't give it up again. I was born to do this, too.

Not alone, no. Although none of the crew bear the responsibility when one of them doesn't survive. That's for you and me and our brothers and sisters to bear. I'm glad to meet you.